Chris Parnell: Were sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman: Hello.
Parnell: So, Natalie, whats the day in life of Natalie Portman like?
Portman: Do you really want to know?
Parnell: Please, tell us...
Portman: I dont sleep mother fucker off that yak and durban. doin 120 gettin head while Im swervin.
Seth Meyers: Damn Natalie you a crazy chick
Portman: Yo shut the fuck up and suck my dick. I bust in dudes mouth like gushers mother fucker. Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker
Guys: What you want Natalie?
Portman: To drink and fight
Guys: What you need Natalie
Portman: To fuck all night. Dont test when Im crazy on that airplane glue. put my foot down your throat till you shit in my shoe. leave you screaming, pay for my dry cleaning. fuck your man Its my name that hes screamin.
Parnell: Im sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Portman: I never said I was a role model.
Parnell: What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
Portman: All the kids lookin up to me can suck my dick. Its Portman mother fucker. drink till Im sick. slit your throat. and poor nitrous down the hole. watch you laugh and cry. while I laugh you die. and all the dudes. you know Im talkin to you.
Guys: we love you natalie
Portman: I wanna fuck you too. "P" is for portman. "P" is for pussy. ill kill your fuckin dog for fun so dont push me.
Parnell: Well, Natalie Im surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Portman: Well theres a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?
Portman: When I was in Harvard, I smoked weed every day. I cheated every test and snorted all the yay. I got a def posse, you gotta buncha dudes. I'll sit right down on your face and take a shit.
Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad ass bitch.
Portman: hell yeah!
Andy Samberg: and I always pay for your dry cleanin. when my shit gets in your shoe.
Portman: What!
Andy Samberg: as for the drug use, well I can vouch for that. my dick is scared of you, girl.
Parnell: Okie-doke. natalie, One final question. if you can steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it
(Portman throws chair at Parnell)
Portman: No more questions
Portman: What!
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Just can't believe that she was once in sesame street.
I'm shocked but I love it!